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[20 Jun 2004|12:40am] |
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copeland - when finally set free |
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today, well today is a bad, let alone a pretty bad week, it might not even have been that bad, but today makes its bad, i dont even know why today is bad, i almost feel like all the feelings ive been holding back are comming out. I feel like im breaking down. Just alot of crying right now, i just want to see kindra, or jordi or someone that will make me happy.
i just wanna be happy.
life. </3 xo
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| so ya. |
[14 Jun 2004|03:36am] |
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modest mouse - broke |
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i started writing for my new band, were called a mothers prayer, we record monday, tuesday, and wednesday night, so im pretty stoked.I was really sick today, it sucked and im still sick and that sucks. I talked to alan and mike, man i miss those dudes so much. Me and alan had a conversation on how some of our freinds like to take their lifes for granted and if they were put in my shoes whos knows what they do, i guess what it all comes down to is stop whining about your ex gfs, or present gfs theres so much worse things happening to people around you. And suicide is an easy cop out, only the strong survive. anyways alans a good dude.
heres a song i wrote for my new band.
will you still be my strength?
where has our faith all gone,
losing touch with what we love,
priorities seem to get away from us,
and if your angel sees you now,
do you think your love was enough,
opening up yourself to new surroundings,
do those white gates still scare you,
will your heart skip a beat again,
i dare you,
to love me forever, to be here forever,
gowing old and seeing my life unfold,
your mothers intution ,
the book of life in your hands,
will you be there to greet me when i come home,
will i always be a peice of sunshine in you eyes,
dont lose touch, dont lose love,
your pain and fear has scarred my heart,
i just wish i could do this all again from the start
xo jordanna feel better <3
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[12 Jun 2004|05:05am] |
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copeland - testing the strong ones |
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There's an angel by your hospital bed desparate to hear his name on your breath.
As he looks down you're not making a sound.
Open your eyes and look at me.
I'll bring to you whatever you need.
I'll tell you I'm sorry that I can't take this pain away from you.
I'd put it on my own body if I knew how to, can't you see?
I've got to bust you out of here somehow.
I've never seen your heart this tired I've never seen your spirit held down.
I know that you say, "this is what you get for being a bad child."
But I know this will be your reward in just a little while.
It's testing the strong ones.
It's scarring the beautiful ones.
It's holding the loved ones one last time.
So tonight i finally got out of the house, i went to see zao, remembering never,scarlet, and in these walls. Wow man in these walls are so awesome, its so awesome to see freinds doing well, and theyre doing awesome, kids were really getting into them. I didnt watch scarlet cause well im not down.Remebering never blew me away, so heavy live, there was incredible amounts of mosh, like death everywhere haha. ZAO i dont know if i can ever give a possible explanation on how much this band means to me, they played 10 songs, TEN SONGS! i couldnt beleive it, my life was just lifted.
Ok away from show stuff, i met a very beautiful girl tonight, inside and out such a wonderful girl, her name is jordanna. I love how positive and loving she was towards me and how positive she was about my faith, her friend, dont hate me if this is wrong azita was also incredible. Theres just something about jordi, shes such an amazing girl, i feel so blessed to have met her. Other people that ive met that have touched my heart are azita, eric, erica, neil, hardcore greg, marc with a c, these new friends have made life so much better. Oh and kindra didnt come tonight, bummer.</3
Other news today, me and my mom had a heart to heart. She came out of her bedroom crying so much and asked if i could talk, and i said of course. She told me that everytime i left her in her life it broke her heart and how happy and proud she is that i moved back. We were just crying so much, we were like one again, i cant explain how much i love my mother, because i dont think theres a word to explain that amount of love, shes my guardian angel and she always has been and always will be.
SO the end of the night everyone said there goodbyes and such and i decided to go for a walk up queen street. I found a homeless man and asked him if he wanted to go to church with me, he said yes, so we ended up i beleive the church our lady of mercy between queen and john, i think thats right. So we just sat their and prayed and we talked about life and even love, its funny how you cant really judge someone till youre in their actual shoes, so ya raymond , hes a good man, he lost his family when he go divorced, it ruined his life,and drinking took over his life. its so sad, well i shook his hand and took the street car home.
And now im home,and listening to copeland once again, it makes me cry because its so real, i know exactly how this dude feels and felt.But i feel blessed very much, but im still worried about my mom so much, life man life, its time to cherish what we all take for granted, cherish your parents, i wish i could take back every terrible thing ive ever said to anyone, i just wish i could make everything wrong, right.anyways im gonna take my dogs for a walk, day 4 no sleep, itll get better , it has to.
LOVE. xo <3
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| how strong can one be? |
[11 Jun 2004|03:02am] |
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copeland - priceless |
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i try hard everyday, to not act like it bugs me, but it does, ive been going to work without food or sleep for three days now, i dont know if ill ever be ok, i dont know if i can live without my mom. my mother to me is like every peice of love and feeling i have, anything good about me is my mother, any loving feeling ive touched another person with is like my mother being right there. shes such a beautiful person, and like she dosent deserve this, i dont even know who does deserve this. so i started writing songs, im gonna make my mom a cd of songs dedicated to her, about her, and about me, who i am today and who i wanna be tommorow, i know ive done bad things in the past, but i try so hard to be a good person, everyone has to realize i wanna be a good person. im trying so hard to live a regular life with all of this going on, so everyone please understand if im not feeling up to par, please understand, i love all of you. its my moms Bday on saturday, shes only 44 years old, shes so beautiful, i dont even know if shes gonna be 45, have you ever asked yourself if that one person you love more than anything died what would you do? my mothers my heart, shes my soul, i just feel like if she dies, so will my heart. i dont know how to live without her, i dont know if i can live without her. so tommrow is the first day im living my house in a week except for work, im going to see zao, not many bands have ever touched my heart and life like that band, their veiws and love for god are some that i share of my own. life will better, right? i hope so, if you can please say a prayer for my mom, and maybe for me.
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[08 Jun 2004|05:25am] |
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copeland - take care |
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i will take care of you, have faith in when you call my name ill be there
it was a straight face lie i beleived, it was a straight face lie you would ever leave me, so for now ill keep believing your words, and soon enough my strength will return.
i will take care of you, have faith in when you call my name ill be there,ill be right there,so keep breathing, ill be right there
let me draw the blinds for, you can watch the sunset from the bed in your hospital room, i dont understand how i found a love so pure
i will take care of you, have faith in when you call my name ill be there,ill be right there,so keep breathing, ill be right there
Dont lift a finger let me show you, the only way to let this go, dont lift a finger let me hold you, hold you here until the pain is all gone
i will take care of you, have faith in when you call my name ill be there,ill be right there,so keep breathing, ill be right there
So ya that sums up whats happeneing in my life right now, my mom told me today they found new cancer, everytime i try to get to my feet something knocks me down, every fuckin time, i pray and pray and pray and nothing happens at all not a fuckin thing, im so sick of nothing going right.i find it terribly hard to find reasons to wake up in the morning, i feel so alone, i feel like my heart is dying, i feel like im losing faith. i dont know what i need, but whatever it is i need it fast, and i need it now, cause not caring about life seems to be an on going trend of mine.
see ya xo </3
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| fuck |
[07 Jun 2004|12:36am] |
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copeland - priceless |
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i honestly dont give a fuck if i wake up tommrow morning.
i found some news about IGE i wish i never fuckin found out. these dudes were suppose to be my freinds at some point, now i find out all theyve ever wanted to do was kick me out.
i didnt think id care until now, and i feel like its honestly too late for anything to ever mean anything now, im so done with life.
ps i met lauren jones last night, cool girl.
xo see ya </3
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| so its my birthday. |
[01 Jun 2004|03:47am] |
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copeland - priceless |
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Im 23 and for once in my life i actually feel like i know what im gonna do with it. In january im gonna go into entertainment law and stay in music business as much as i can.I also wanna start a booking agency, im working close with chad hopefully in the next few months, chad being the ends booking agent.
Id like to state right now that i wish Is Grace Enough all the best and my apologies go out to anything that was misread or mis interpeted throughout this whole ordeal, you have your reasons and so do i, i just hope one day we can all be freinds again. I just dont wanna dwell on this any longer.
Id also like to state an apology to anyone i dissapointed in goin on tour with the end for the past month, it was a total last minute decision and i thought it would be best, considering the last 3 months ive wanted to kill myself everyday from everything thats happeneing in my life, it helped me get my mind off of it and im much more clear minded and clear hearted and i know whatever happens in my life now i can handle.
so more or less this the start of a new year for me, im gonna try and get this year right.
xo<3 jonny
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| im not dead. |
[30 May 2004|04:23am] |
thats right im still alive, and i just got back from tour with the end, it was awesome, anything that was stressing me out actually went away, im happy and now i can just take care of my moms, i miss everyone back home alot, it sucks.
oh and is grace enough is no longer my band, dont ask me why, but simon baldwin is continually a peice of shit,that band is nothing without me, not to be a dick, but i was the only person in that band anyone liked, so that group of assholes can go fuck themselves, its funny how when i talked to alex, the new singer he even called simon an asshole, to funny.
and to anyone that has problems with decisions i made...fuck off, i made them for myself and for the better of me, i was rotting in ottawa and the build up of stress and pain was to much, so yes i took a vacation and went on tour with the end, it was a last minute decison but ya i did it, i dont regret it, so dont try and tell me im wrong, thats just to the people and that think they can prioritize MY life for me.
i missed my moms tons, atleast i talked to her everyday, it was awesome,she has to go in for surgery and she has a 30 percent chance of being paralyzed from the surgery, its really scary,it makes me cry when i think about how brittle she is and how i cant actually help.
but ya tour was awesome once again, met some awesome people, met one especially awesome girl...*cough* kelsey *cough* and made some many new freinds and the funniest thing is i got so many offers to do other tours with other bands such as ion dissonace and black dhalia murder so maybe ill make a career change, or a career choice, i think id love to tour manage, so im gonna look into it.
TO EVERYONE BACK HOME I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU AND HOPE YOU DONT HATE ME FOR ANY REASONS.
HOLLA! <3 XOXOX
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| so ya...life |
[27 Apr 2004|11:53am] |
so to anyone i have on msn or aim, its fucked for some reason and not letting me talk to all my contacts, so if you talk to me and i dont answer, its cause i cant for some fucked up reason, ATTN: johnny fry, i called your house last week no one answered so we went over and no one answerd the phone again,i wanted a goodbye hug :(.
NOW on with life, its pretty shitty, moms is sick and i saw jenni for the first time since she dumped me last night, i barfed everywhere, then cried and then decided to cry some more, it was sweet of her to act like i was bugging her. I played a few shows with rosesdead on the alexisonfire tour and last night with misery signals and fordirelifesake, it was amazing except for jenni re-breaking my heart again. she could of made me so happy by just saying hi or giving me a hug, but all she did was tell me how i was making her feel akward.thats life i guess, when does it get better? i miss everyone in ottawa, not my band so much, maybe just ryan,tom and will.
so ya jon becker, i guess im sorry for hitting on your gf, i didnt mean to dis repsect you, last night wasnt the best time to bitch at me about it, i actually am sorry.
oh and mike phillips, you have my band money and my addidas zip up, i would like both back, please and thank you.
see ya. xo
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| </3 its over. |
[11 Apr 2004|11:55pm] |
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the spirit that guides us - real life motion picture |
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Can I save your life?
The two of us in the sky.
How far is never?
Lets go tonight.
Dont give up on me.
Dont you die on me.
Cause this line says youre better off dead.
This is not a movie.
No happy endings here.
If you are not there i dont want to go.
Id stay by your side and follow you back home.
Id give up forever id trade my life.
Just to be with you, just to be with you.
Dont give up on me.
Dont you die on me.
Cause this line says youre better off dead.
This is not a movie.
No happy endings here.
You are a car crash, a train accident.
Its inevetable.
The kingdom is hell.
Heaven dealt are you there, where will you be.
Can you tell me, are you gonna be fine.
Cause this line says youre better off dead.
This is not a movie.
No happy endings here.
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| Setiments of you. |
[11 Apr 2004|12:16am] |
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it dies today - setiments of you |
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So ya i guess this should be a fairly big update, but i am 1)to lazy and 2) no one actually reads this shit anyways. Jenni was down for a week, a week ago, it was fuckin awesome, i really miss her now, and i hate the feeling that we're on rough ground right now, i dont know what to do at all.My heart feels like its dying.
IGE had its last real show on tuesday with , with honor, such a fun show and kids actually danced for us for once, made me so happy to look in the crowd and kids singing along and dancing.
So ya thanx to anyone thats put up with me while ive been in ottawa and being my freind.
BLAH! </3
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| ILL PICK MY FREINDS OVER YOU!. |
[03 Apr 2004|01:13am] |
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new found glory - my freinds over you |
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mike phillips good good dude, his gf, what a faggot. no joke she starts shit with me on the net out of no where and then tries to justify it lie apon lie in her lj entry. dude i didnt tell mike to dump i just said youre a faggot, cause well jamie you are and as much as you dont wanna admit youre wrong, you are, i saved the convo, and fuck if you want ill post it right here, just let me know,cause we'll see whats up after that. Mike its your heart man, and your life do what you want, but dude, remember who will always be there man, remember that.
goodbye.
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| :(</3 |
[21 Mar 2004|01:42am] |
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days away - rasberry perfume |
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i wish i could stop crying.
"Raspberry Perfume"
So I’m going to say the things that I’ve dreamed of.
After all this might be the last chance.
I have to explain to you that there’s more.
Give me the time to tell you that your beautiful
and everyday I wish I could still taste that raspberry perfume.
You left on that note you wrote before we lost,
cuz’ I’m so sick of playing she loves me, she loves me not…
With this lonely rose because I know you can’t even remember the sound of my voice.
But there’s always hope, and there’s always chance.
Maybe someday I’ll get that feeling back.
Guess it’s time to get off the rocks
and maybe put the pictures down.
But I can’t stop now, cuz’ this is all I’ve got.
We could step aside and watch the cars go by,
only counting the white ones
or take a ride to the reservoir
and we could start from there
cuz’ I’ve got a lot to say…
all i gotta say is im gonna miss my mom when shes gone. </3
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| "give me the time to tell you, youre beautiful everyday..." |
[20 Mar 2004|10:28pm] |
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days away - rasberry perfume |
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So ya show on tuesday was awesome, thanx to everyone who came out and supported us and me, its been a tough month. I mean right before that song about my mom i stated what was goin on with the band and what was wrong with my mom and i started to cry, it hurts so much cause i dont know what im gonna do without her, i mean i love her more than anything, i dont anything i love more than my mom. Id like to thank kristin shes been a really good freind through all of this for me, so much support and she really makes me think and put life into persepctive, shes such a sweet girl.
The rest of the week was work work work, but friday night i hung out with mike,jamie,melissa,ali,and seb, so many laughs and goodtimes that i needed.
Alans been here for a few days, hes such a great dude, hes always there for me, and man its awesome how he can laugh at my retarded jokes and call me a faggot and i dont care.
Jenni is commin down in a week again, its gonna be nice to see her, shes been through all of this with me too. Anyways im out.
HOLLA <3 XO jonny
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| "please drive fassssster..." |
[15 Mar 2004|04:07pm] |
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the fullblast - phase one : the epidemic |
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Man life throws you curve balls all the time, just when i thought it was bad enough that my mom is really sick and i have move to toronto, i get a call saturday night and my friend jay committed suicide. Fuck i just dont understand life sometimes. Like i get home from church and i get this call and i feel like anything i prayed for didnt mean a thing. Im so confused and angry its unbelievable.
Aside from that my band are great dudes. We had a talk saturday and they gave me all their support and told me to come back when im ready and that spot is always open to me, that makes me so happpy. I love those dudes.
Jenni and kristin have be so much support and all my freinds i love you.
anyways we have a show tommrow, our cd release come out and watch me dance, or as dan hooligan would say ROCK OUT , WITH MY COCK OUT!
Is Grace Enough (CD release for their East End Industries debut)
Protest the Hero (Underground Operations)
Experiment in Terror (need i say more?)
Hostage Life (ex-Marylin's Vitamins)
In Time (Toronto hc)
MARCH 16th
Club SAW (67 Nicholas St.)
all ages, $8, 7pm
HOLLA!
xo jonny <3
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| I LOVE JENNI KEHOE! |
[12 Mar 2004|12:51pm] |
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courtesy blush - the video is a tightly kept secret |
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So ya ummm jenni is right beside me and ya i love her. We spent the week together and it was awesome considering the shit thats been goin on with my mom and all.
Looks like im moving to t-dot at the end of april, my moms pretty much at the point where i dont think i can be away from her, i mean i dont wanna wake up one morning with a phone call saying that my moms gone forever ya know. I had to take a leave of absence from IGE which well you probably know how i feel about that.
So if anyone wants to hang out before i leave let me know, otherwise T-DOT here i come.
HOLLA!
<3 xo
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| "i pray take me far away from everything that i am " |
[02 Mar 2004|11:00am] |
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new amsterdams - my old man had a pistol |
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YO YO!So IGE got back yesterday from our mini tour yesterday night and i had to go straight to work right after, sooooo tired. Im up so early, so weird. The tour was hella sweet so many goodtimes in sudbury, from getting in fights with mall security guards to getting kicked out of malls to throwing garbage at old ladies.
Probably one of the best shows we've ever played was sudbury the kids were going off like ive never seen before and we all rocked out harder than we ever have before it was so awesome.
Mike didnt come, but i knew he wouldnt so its ok, im use to that kid sketchin out on me now, from NYC to Montreal to now Burlington.
Anyways, this weekend seriously was amazing, except for stolen articles. But shit happens.
HOLLA!
jonny </3 xo
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| KRISTIN IM SOOOORRRY! |
[27 Feb 2004|06:01am] |
KRISTIN, I GOT STRANDED AT BAND PRACTICE, IM SORRRY.
IM SORRY X 10000000, LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU!
ILL DO ANYTHING !
<3 XO
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| EVEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYDAAAAYYYAAYYYY! |
[18 Feb 2004|11:28am] |
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hartsfield - everyday |
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So whats up? Im up at 11:30 am, how weird of me. Im also rocking out to some hartsfield, good dudes! I need to get their new EP stat!
JOEL SOUCY WERE PLAYING WITH YOUR BAND IN BURLINGTON!! HAAHA HOW AWESOME IS THAT!.
annnnnnnnd i hate it how you can easly shut that door, how can you bring me face down on the floor screaming out for more!{jenn}
But ya anyways work is cool and freinds are awesome and family is good to, and me well im ok i suppose. I miss you, ya alot and i guess ill get on with my life i just want you to know i miss you.
holla!
xo jonny
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| </3 |
[17 Feb 2004|01:49am] |
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is grace enough - so far away |
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So Far Away -
Lets watch our hearts fade away into the last sunset that we watched,
The last time i can make a mistake to not notice you,
The truth is , that the truth is now pointless,
All i can do is watch to run away, as my feet stay cemented to the ground,
Ill try to , make up my own life , acted as if you were still here,
Like you had never left at all, thats what would of been better for me,
And as the years go by , i will remember you,my life will go on ,
The cancerous lies choke up in my own lungs and i bleed this tar,
and know that i love you
so ya , i just wanna be happy, why is that so hard.
holla.
</3
ps. i hope that kiss was worth it, cause it now will bleed in my memory forever.
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